They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
