I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
