u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
