So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
