Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
