i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
