I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
