I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
