So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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