i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
