Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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