She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
