This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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