"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is Oprah even human
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
