I am puke
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
