so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
