The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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