You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
