Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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