is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
