Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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