Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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