i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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