i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
