The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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