what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
