i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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