how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're a waste of cheezeits
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
