Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
