I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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