And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
