Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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