I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
