Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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