i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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