I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
