Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
