Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
