He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
