she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
