Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
