Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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