My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
