who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's no shave November. This is our time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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