he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
