Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
