remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
