I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I enjoy the company of your penis
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
