I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
