You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
