Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
