i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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