If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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